It All Starts With Me

Confession: I still don’t know what I am going to be when I grow up; I am not even sure that I will grow up; or that I even want to; especially if it means giving up my dreams and settling for the status quo.

I suppose in some ways I have always gone against the grain. Not because I want to be difficult, but more because I pondered the various possibilites, not readily accepting all of the conventions set before me. Why must I have a successful job or career in a field I dislike while I struggle to juggle my responsibilities at home, and try to make time to raise my children? I have several Supermom and Dad friends who do just that – and well too. I think of them with admiration; which turns into guilt that I too don’t do it all; which promptly turns into relief that I do not have to; and gratitude that I may choose not to. I digress…

What I want is to be happy, and to raise happy children, who will grow into happy adults. I don’t believe there is a prescribed method to achieve this dream. The path to such bliss is different for each of us. One thing is for certain though – it all starts with me. Each day, we are given another opportunity to improve ourselves, to make necessary changes and adjustments, to strive for goodness – greatness even.

Two of the most important lessons I have learned (mostly the hard way) to be true are: The more I express gratitude for each of my blessings, the larger the list of things to be grateful for becomes. And, whatever I devote my time and attention to will expand, whether positive or negative in nature makes no difference, it will grow in any case.

It has taken me a while to understand that where I am and where I am going is a direct reflection of the choices I have made and will continue to make. And I choose to follow my own heart’s bliss, regardless of the accepted cultural standards that whisper to me, “The Jones’ do it best! Why aren’t you keeping up with them?”

I always found the Jones’ to be a bit of a bore anyway.

photo credit: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TeMrI-sBUqM/VCArKAQ-eJI/AAAAAAAABCg/Qx8ER2c2DoY/s1600/happiness-is-an-inside-job-90.jpg

I Am Here

As I stare blankly, with wide eyes and a knotted stomach at my spanking new webpage, I am overwhelmed with emotions. Fear, of course, being one of the more prominent in the bunch, gnawing at my confidence, attempting valiantly to hold me back from the future possibilities of failure and pain (am I good enough?). Defiantly, and with conviction (for today at least), I banish this unwanted fun-stopper of an emotion from my psyche. Today I can, and I will push through it.

I have always had an affinity for writing, and Lord knows I enjoy the heck out of a good conversation too. So, perhaps my affection is for the whole process of communicating, and the power of the word, albeit written or spoken. OK, I confess. I am a bit of a chatterbox too.

For as long as I can remember, I have been the go-to-girl for those in my circle, in need of any type of writing or editing assistance. Starting back in High School, if a friend needed help with a paper, they called upon me. And the grades we got together were always good (maybe I was on to something).

But it wasn’t until the universe serendipitously brought a great friend into my life (hi Lisa!), with the same love of writing and talking (woo-hoo! I am not the only geek in town) that my need (yes darnit, NEED!) to nurture this part of myself came to the forefront of my consciousness. And with her encouragement (OK, she actually kicked me in the ass repeatedly), I am here!

I am a “scorned” woman, and mother of two awesome humans (well, awesome most of the time) with a passion for many things artistic, and especially for writing. I will share my thoughts and my story with you. It is not always pretty, but it has led me here, which is where I need to be.

I may be “scorned,” but more than that, I am thankful. Did I mention, I am HERE!?!