Thank God I Married the Wrong Man

As a self-proclaimed “scorned” woman, and you will come to see, I definitely fit within the parameters of such a title, I have learned that there is a pitifully negative connotation attached to this status. It’s societal and familial. It is the concept that we are not whole if our partner or spouse does us wrong, or worse yet…leaves all together.

I actually use the term “scorned” in a satirical nod to my ex, who, during those dark times in our relationship, following the initial break-up, used to throw the word around at me as if this was some valid explanation for my “irrational” resentment towards him. In fact, it was true. I was scorned. I was hurt, angry, broken. At times, I was like a crazy-women, pissed-off and reeling, especially during those first treacherous months, whilst trying to regain my balance. I had two little ones, a boy, age 4, and a girl, age 2, at the time. I believed wholeheartedly that someone had pulled the rug from beneath my unsteady feet, and my entire world shifted.

The reality is, it is not possible to force another person to hold true to their commitments, even after you’ve both proclaimed, in front of God, Church and family, “‘Till death do us part.” Though, with my vision becoming increasingly clearer, it is apparent that, even though our marriage didn’t go the distance, my relationship with this man who scorned me is interminable, for the simple fact that we were gifted with two awesome children, who now literally bind us in ways both obvious and imperceptible, till death and beyond.  And I wouldn’t change a thing.

There is a quote by Cynthia Occelli, about a seed, which resonates so deeply with my feelings on the failure of my marriage, and the ensuing chaos and subsequent calm to follow. “For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

I am that seed, and my desire and ability for growth astounds me. Each of us is capable of this incredible blossoming, even after we are faced with a seeming destruction. For this, I am thankful. For our beautiful children, I am thankful.  And for marrying the “wrong man,” I am indeed thankful. From that scorn, I was reborn.

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15 thoughts on “Thank God I Married the Wrong Man

  1. mamalisa4 says:

    Thank you for this post!!! This is one of my all time favorite quotes!!! You are standing tall among a society of strong women. I think your perspective is inspiring! Great post! Beautifully written!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mama Via says:

    Stay strong! And remember, the names you are being called only come from someone trying to manipulate you into doing what HE wants!

    Like

  3. Viva says:

    Beautifully written and eloquently put. Although there are some example differences, What I do find amazingly relatable is that I am at a point in my life as a seed with a yearning to improve and grow and continue. A mid-life crisis for me perhaps. But non-the-less, a self satisfying improvement so I can be a better me for my family.
    If we, who just ask for companionship where genuine respect that is honest and faithful is freely given, and not needing to be begged for, then who is left to feel or behave scorned? No one.
    When behavior that leads to mistrusting the partner and where you begin to feel horrible about who you are and question your own behavior plays a part, it’s natural to feel or “be” scorned.
    So happy about this blog my seedling friend. Excellent work!

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    • vickiewhat says:

      Thank you Viva! We are all seeds, with the ability to seemingly destruct, and then transition to a higher level within ourselves. Good luck on your journey. Im still putting one foot in front of the other on mine. I have learned to be thankful for that which is truly important. Blessings.

      Liked by 1 person

    • vickiewhat says:

      Thanks so much Viva. We are all capable of infinite growth in the face of innumerable challenges. Blessings.

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  4. Donna maniaci says:

    Wow Vic I had no idea u were so gifted. This definitely resonates with me and I really appreciate you sharing with me. Love you sister !

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  5. theblogwoman says:

    What a great place, to find that perspective – the analogy is terrific.

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    • vickiewhat says:

      Thank you so much. I’m not always perfectly peaceful with the wrong man, but that is always my goal. Strife sucks, (and I know its cliché) but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I appreciate you taking the time to read, comment and follow.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Love the poem about the seed. I’ve heard this explained before, but had never read this poem. And going through a divorce myself at an early age, I can absolutely relate to what you are saying, and agree wholeheartedly that I wouldn’t change it for a thing. If I had not gone through those things, I would not be the person I am today. Shine on, my friend! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. […] taking the time to read about my “adventures,” as I navigate life as a single-Mom, and “scorned woman,” seeking the ever-elusive…more. Thanks so much for the comments and likes, and for the kind […]

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